Around four years ago, I upgraded to a larger house. Upon his choosing and against my advice, my father sold his condo and we agreed that he could move into my old condo. He's been paying the mortgage on it ever since.
Meanwhile, the loan amount increased, and to reduce the monthly payments, he gave me some money, which I used to pay down the debt. Nowadays, he pays around ⅓ of the market price for renting a similar apartment in the same area.
Now the condo value has doubled in value, and I'm considering selling it and buying a similar one for him, just in a different area, no more than 10 miles from the current one. I'd use the remaining equity amount to reduce my own mortgage.
I have mixed feelings about this, because our relationship has never been open, and he lacks empathy. What should I do...stay or sell?
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You have a sense of what would be best for you financially but have feelings about how to proceed, and it's unclear whether your feelings are from uncertainty about your father's reaction to the idea, or whether you're reconsidering the arrangement altogether.
Depending on the situation, your options sound like they're to either buy a new condo and your father lives in it while paying for the mortgage — keeping things the same — or sell the condo he's living in and discontinue the arrangement altogether.
Look at the last option first. You've mentioned not having the best relationship with your father, and your emphasis on him getting a great rental deal makes me wonder whether the money you're missing out on is part of your concern. Ending the arrangement with your father would solve these issues. If you choose that, you'll have two outcomes: You'll need to make your own monthly payments, and you'll essentially be putting your father on the street.
There already seems to be a strain between you and your father, but kicking him out of his home without an open conversation and an action plan for next steps would be something your relationship may never recover from. I say "his home" because while it's your property, the condos been his home for the past four years. Yes, he sold his old place against your advice, and you could point to that as justification for taking his current home from him, but that was several years ago and has little bearing on the current circumstances.
This isn't to say that selling your condo and discontinuing your arrangement with your father isn't an option. It is one you must handle carefully if you hope to maintain your relationship. You'll need to give your father plenty notice, and help him find a new place to stay. Have patience, be supportive, and take an interest in maintaining your relationship, even without an condo keeping you close.
But, perhaps it's less about your dissatisfaction about the arrangement and more about how your father will feel about the change. If the alternative you have in mind is to buy a new place and continue allowing him to live there in exchange for the mortgage payment, the best option is complete transparency.
If your father's empathetic limits will make him less receptive to an emotional plea, lead with the financial advantages of your plan. Even though you'll be the primary beneficiary, as your father, he most likely values your interests for your future. Beyond that, talk the whole thing over.
Remember that your father's propensity toward cageyness is unlikely to change. But neither will the resentment you feel every time you get a Zillow notification reminding you how much of a goldmine you're allowing him to sit on. If you don't like how things feel right now, imagine the state of your emotions in a year.
Talk to him about your financial goals and your misgivings. Explain your feelings about continuing the arrangement and give him clear objectives for assuaging your concerns. Ask him how he feels about things, which option seems the best to him, and whether he'd like to collaborate with you on making his preference more doable.
Despite all the uneasiness you describe, the logistics of your arrangement seem mutually respected; he pays the mortgage on time, and you provide him with an affordable place to stay. Build on that respect!
You'll work things out financially. Either you'll help your father find a new place that doesn't involve your assets, or you'll continue your arrangement with a less expensive apartment and use the difference to lower your mortgage. But your relationship with your father won't be as simple to solve.
The fact that you two have shared responsibility for a mortgage and spent the past four years working together shows the strength of your bond. So, start talking, and kick that closed door between you wide open. You might find yourself in a better position, not only financially, but as a family as well.
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